Parody

 The other day, for the first time in a very long time, I heard the Barbie Song. So, being me, I decided to write a parody. Hope you like it!

Hiya, Alianore!

Hi, Roger!

Ready to go to Mass?

Sure!

Come on then!

I’m a Yorkist girl, in a Yorkist world,

We haven’t any plastic, it’s fantastic.

Never any stress, three girls to help me dress,

You have to know your station; it’s that kind of nation.

Come on Alianore! Let’s get to chapel!

Pregnant every year, no obstetric care,

Grit your teeth and pray, you know it’s just God’s way.

To work I need not go; just sit at home and sew.

Life’s not so very pleasant, but better than a peasant’s.

I have to hide my hair, or I might as well be bare.

Shave my forehead clean, naked as a bean.

It’s plucking that I hate, makes me so irate.

But it’s all the fashion, it has to be my passion.

My lord has all the cash. I cannot make a splash.

Life can oft be funny, I still don’t have no money!

At least he treats me well. No bruises you can tell.

It could be ten times worse, I could be on a hearse.

Come on Alianore, let’s go to Middleham!

Middleham is freezing; I am always sneezing.

I wait upon the Duchess, nothing there can touch us.

I can brush her hair, kneel before her chair.

It’s a super job; I’m part of Richard’s ‘blob’.

I’m a Yorkist girl, in a Yorkist world,

We haven’t any plastic, it’s fantastic.

Never any stress, three girls to help me dress,

You have to know your station; it’s that kind of nation.

Come on Alianore! Let’s ride up Coverdale!

Oh, I can’t wait, Roger!

The Mists of Middleham

 My second Alianore Audley book, The Mists of Middleham, is now available from Amazon. Be aware that this is not conventional historical fiction. Those of you who have read The Adventures of Alianore Audley will have some idea of what it's like, but this book goes further into strange realms so to speak. Alianore meets Robin Hood, King Arthur and the Black Dog of Hergest. To say nothing of Lady Crystal Plantagenet.

Back in the real world, Hanley Castle, the second book in the Constance of York series, has been out there for some time. I am busy with the third book, provisionally titled The Downfall of Our House. Progress is slow due to a variety of factors - I have a life apart from writing. However, I shall get there.

More Progress on Books

 I am pleased to say that I am more than 60% on with the second book in the Walking Among Lions series, and I expect to see it finished and out there by December 2022 at the latest. The working title is Hanley Castle but there is a chance that might change. Anyway, keep looking out for it. 

This will pretty well complete Constance's story when coupled with Within the Fetterlock. However, that novel is now 'hard to find' and also I have found out some new facts; I am conscious of some errors, and I now interpret the political situation slightly differently. Some of this will show up in Hanley Castle, but I have decided that a third volume in the same style is necessary to complete Constance's story.  This has a working title of The Downfall of Our House and I hope to have it out in 2023.

The second Alianore book, The Mists of Middleham is next up. It is very largely finished, just needs a certain amount of work, mainly polishing. It will be finalised once the third Constance book is out, and again I hope this will be in 2023.

The Adventures of Alianore Audley

 The Adventures of Alianore Audley now has a new cover and the text has been somewhat upgraded.

I just wanted to mention that a new paperback version of The Adventures of Alianore Audley is now available from Amazon, with a prettier cover and some improvements to the text.

A revised kindle version is to be had too, at a slightly lower price, and a hardback version should soon appear too! (For those who like their books to be reassuringly expensive.)

In case anyone is unfamiliar with Alianore I should stress this is a light-hearted book, not meant to be taken too seriously.

Wigan Parish Church.

Today I made a pilgrimage to Wigan Parish Church. Well, not really. I happened to be in Wigan and noticed that the church was open, as it apparently it is every Saturday.

Some of you will recall that this is the church from which Alianore Audley rescued the Duke of Gloucester's stolen banner, so I couldn't resist a look inside. It is a surprisingly large building, heavily 'restored' by our Victorian friends, who introduced an awful lot of their dark, heavy, gothic fittings. If you like that sort of thing, you will be delighted. Indeed, although the church was founded as far back as the days of Edward the Confessor, the present building is largely Victorian, as it was pretty much completely rebuilt.

However in the Walmesley Chapel are some rather attractive medieval altar panels. They don't 'belong' having been bought from Germany, but they are rather nice, and well worth a look.

In the Lady chapel there are effigies of a 14th Century knight and lady. These lie rather forlornly on the floor, having evidently lost their tomb chests at some point. Again they are rather lovely, although not of the first quality.

It is obvious that the parishioners are rather proud of their church and are doing their best to keep it well maintained. If you happen to be in the area, it's certainly worth a look. Admission is completely free, but obviously a suitable donation is appreciated.

I returned to Manchester by train. This was once part of the main line of the Lancashire and Yorkshire Railway, the 'Business Line', along which expresses hurtled from Liverpool to Manchester (and vice-versa) in 40 minutes. Unfortunately the railway is not nearly so well cared-for as Wigan Church. The laughingly named 'Sprinter' train dawdles along, calling at various shamefully neglected stations en route. The lineside is an utter disgrace, with dense trees and bushes blocking the view almost all the way and, at one point, Japanese Knotweed, a pernicious weed which the law says should be rooted out and destroyed, reigns supreme over the cutting side. Small wonder there are problems with 'leaves on the line' when hulking great trees are allowed to flourish just a few feet from the metals! What visitors to this scepter'd isle must make of such untidiness I shudder to think.

Blurb version of Alianore Audley

 
 
 

    The Adventures of Alianore Audley by Brian Wainwright
    |
    Make Your Own Book
 

 

Alianore Audley and latest news

A print version of The Adventures of Alianore Audley should shortly be available through Amazon. This is in addition to the Kindle version, and also to the Blurb version, which remains available for anyone who has won the lottery or owns an oil well.

I am reasonably close to finishing Frustrated Falcons which is my factual book about Edmund of Langley's three children. I have finished the bits about Constance and Richard of Conisbrough, and just have the fifteenth century section on Edward to do. It will be quite a short book (I do not have whatever it is that enables some authors to write long factual books about persons of whom we know little) and I hope to have it out in Kindle and print versions quite quickly. I may also do a de luxe Blurb version which (because it is a short book) should be relatively affordable.

Alianore II aka Alianore Audley and the Holy Grail is now a MS which exceeds 25,000 words. Some way to go yet, but the ideas are flowing much more freely. I am not quite sure - to be honest - whether it will work, as it is a weird book by any standards, moving more towards fantasy than HF. But you, dear reader, will be the eventual judge. I am plugging away at it - it really should be ready in 2014, and unless I get a better offer, it will go down the Amazon print/Kindle route.

And after that? Well, I don't want to raise too many hopes, but I have roughly four potential novels, which have bits already written. I shall likely select one and try to finish it. No promises though at this stage.

The Adventures of Alianore Audley

The Adventures of Alianore Audley is now available through Amazon in Kindle format. I am currently checking a proof for a new printed version for the traditionalists among you. This will be a slightly larger format than the former Bewrite edition, and should be available shortly, also through Amazon.

For those of you are millionaires, there is also a de luxe version available through Blurb, including a hardback edition. But cheap it is not! The forthcoming paperback should be a lot more reasonable.

Work continued slowly on Alianore Audley and the Holy Grail. No promises as to when this will be forthcoming, but I will get there. I have put too much effort into it now for it to be abandoned.

Also on the stocks is a small factual work Frustrated Falcons which is about Edmund of Langley's three children. I am looking for my notes on Edward, the 2nd duke, which I need before I complete it. I think I can describe this little book as 'forthcoming'.

Another Short Story

I have it in mind to write a short story around Constance of York, the heroine of Within the Fetterlock. There's a practical reason for this, at least potentially, I'm not just doing it on a whim, or for fun. However, at the moment I haven't a scooby what to write about, although it could be about any aspect of her life not covered in the novel. (I don't want to rake over old ground).

Any suggestions gratefully received. No prize for the winner though, I'm afraid, though if it's a really inspiring idea I haven't thought about I will credit you when and if the thing is published.

Alianore Audley may also get her own short story in due course.

Short Story - Progress

The short story has been sent off to the Richard III Society. Apparently they're happy with it so it should appear in the Autumn 2009 Ricardian Bulletin.

Some Ricardians, familiar only with The Adventures of Alianore Audley, will get a shock as it's in a very different style. About the only thing it has in common with Alianore is that it's written first person, something that, for serious work, is usually outside my comfort zone. (Largely because it leads me to measure myself against Robert Graves, the master of first person historicals, and find myself wanting.) So I await the reaction with some unease, albeit with the assurance that all publicity is good publicity.

Now - on with the book!