Wednesday, 13 April 2016

An Interview with Alianore Audley

Given that there are to be online interviews with King John and King Richard III I thought it only fair that we should have something similar here. Unfortunately, being a bit hard up, it wasn't possible to meet the fee demanded by dead monarchs, so I hope you will settle for a little chat with Alianore Audley:

BW: First of all, what do I call you? Dame Beauchamp? Mistress Audley?

AA: Alianore will do. We don't really do titles in This Place. Apart from The Management, that is.

BW: Right. Well, Alianore, is is fair to say you were the first female intelligence agent?

AA: No. We've league tables for that sort of thing and I'm not even in the top thousand. Maybe the first Englishwoman of breeding who left notes behind.

BW: Talking of notes, you left a very favourable record of Richard III - in the light of what you know now, do you stand by it?

AA: Look darling, Richard wasn't a saint, but you have to look at what followed. I mean, Henry Tudor! Nasty, mean, snivelling little man. His grandfather was a wardrobe attendant! Fancy having someone like that as king. The idea! At least Richard had a respectable pedigree. He killed one or two people, I'll admit, but either they deserved it for plotting against him (Buckingham for example - what a jerk) or they were frightfully common fellows who'd just got a bit above themselves. Yes, I do mean the Woodvilles.

BW: But Alianore, the Woodvilles had lots of noble quarterings on their mother's side. And Anthony, at least, was a highly civilised man, and a noted chivalrous knight.

AA: Yes, but they were Richard's enemies. They'd have killed him given half a chance. Be serious! It wasn't a game of cricket, you know. And really! Dame Jacquetta was a foreigner. You don't think that English gentlefolk took her quarterings seriously, do you? A woman who claimed descent from a (expletive deleted) water snake! Forsooth and forsooth, as Mad King Henry used to say. (Or so I am told).

BW: Have you any regrets?

AA: Not telling more of my story and not buying more land while it was cheap.

For the avoidance of doubt....

I haven't given up writing, I really haven't. It's just that due to circumstances, things are moving really, really slowly. I can only counsel patience.