The Battle of St. Albans, 1455
Having been two years in the womb, Richard was naturally a forward child, and in no time at all he was not only walking but wearing a little suit of armour. The Duke of York had this made for him by the village blacksmith, an advanced craftsman who doubled as the castle armourer. This meant it could easily be adjusted as Richard grew.
Richard was not yet strong enough to lift what we call a two-handed sword, or a poleaxe, but he could manage what is politely described as a kidney dagger, and rapidly became an expert with it, through long hours of practice with the dagger in one hand and a rusk in the other.
The King at this time was Henry VI. As he was a Lancastrian he was obviously a very good man, but more than that he was saintly, so saintly that at times he didn't know who he was or where. His wife, Margaret of Anjou, was by this time doing most of the heavy lifting. People didn't like Margaret, even though she was Queen, as she was also French, and a woman, and had too much to say for herself. She also favoured men who weren't the Duke of York, especially the Duke of Somerset, who hated York and was also grossly incompetent. This team had already comprehensively lost the war with France, and the Government owed the Duke of York a lot of money. This made York very cross.
York got together with his brother-in-law, Salisbury, and his wife's nephew, Salisbury's son, the Earl of Warwick. (It's easier to refer to these two by their titles as the were both called Richard Neville, which was confusing even at the time.) There were other lords there too, but these men were less important and it might confuse you if I gave them names. Just imagine them grunting agreement in the background.
York and his friends had a few beers and they decided they must go to the King and tell him to get rid of Somerset. As the King had lots of people about him they didn't trust, this meant that for safety's sake they had to take an army with them.
York decided to take his youngest son Richard with him as a sort of mascot. The idea was that Warwick would hold little Richard's hand and lead him onto the battlefield before things started, to exchange pennons with the King's mascot.
However, when they got to St. Albans and met the King's army, it soon became apparent that none of this was going to happen. The King wasn't prepared to negotiate and he certainly wasn't ready to hand over Somerset. He and his men were well dug in behind barricades in the centre of the town, and York and his friends were at something of a loss.
Then little Richard suggested to Warwick that if they (and Warwick's men) sneaked around the back alleys and gardens, they could take the enemy in the flank and surprise them, And because no one had any better ideas, that's what they did.
The plan worked wonderfully, and soon Warwick, Richard and a host of followers were cutting their way through the Lancastrian leadership. As they charged they cried 'A Warwick! A Warwick!' which confused the Lancastrians, who thought they were in St. Albans - as they were.
Richard, of course, was very small, but he was just the right size to run between men's legs and stab them in the groin through the gaps in their armour. In no time at all he had killed the Earl of Northumberland, Lord Clifford, and the Duke of Somerset in just this fashion. Whereupon the enemy lost heart and surrendered, much to Richard's disappointment. He had really enjoyed stabbing those lords and now wanted to stab Henry VI.
His father forbade this. York was now quite content because Somerset was dead, and he and his friends were in a position to force the King to allow them to form his government. When Richard had a tantrum over this decision, York gave him a severe ticking-off and sent him to bed without supper.
*snort*
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